I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
