i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
