I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
