I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
