ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize