i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
