oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
