I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
