Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
