So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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