Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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