if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My balls are so social today.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
