walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
