Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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