There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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