I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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