we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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