who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
