I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
