using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
