my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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