dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
