this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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