toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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