I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
