OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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