haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
