me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
there is glitter all over my balls
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