I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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