whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
