pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
