he thought i was a dude.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
