Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
