this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
