Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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