I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
