her vagine was all disorganized.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
