It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
