Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
