This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
