Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
