I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
