is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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