I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
