Umm I'm too high to move.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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