im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm like, not good at living.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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