my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
