Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
