Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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