Plan B is the new Plan A
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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