Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
