she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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